Brad and I have a difficult decision ahead. We have no idea what God wants us to do.
There is no telling if this wait on Uganda will come to an end in three weeks, or three months, or three years, or ever. My heart aches to mother a child again. In fact, on Saturday night, I dreamed that I gave birth to a beautiful, tiny baby girl named Catherine. I liked the dream so much that I had it three times in a row. But I woke up ready to cry. It’s not that I’m truly ready to get pregnant yet. In fact, if I got pregnant before we finalized an adoption, my heart would partially stop, wondering if we were leaving another child of OURS waiting in an orphanage across an ocean while we enjoyed easy American living and pregnancy.
Eventually, old and barren Sarah had her child. The promised child. The child of faith. That is what I want for our family.
The problem is that God has not spoken to us so clearly and explicitly as He did to Abraham and Sarah. We do not know which paths lead towards obedience, and which steps are as faithless as impregnating an concubine.
Do we trust that God led us to Uganda and wait? Or do we simply trust that God’s path to adoption may be the “scenic route” leading to alternate countries? Do we strive to move immediately, trusting that God is most pleased that we begin parenting a fatherless angel sooner than later, or do rest in God’s lessons of patience?
Only God knows where He will lead us. But I admit, I often wish for a glimpse of what is to come!