I’ll admit it… I’m tired of the wait.
Waiting feels so empty. There is nothing to mourn because we’re delayed – not stopped. There is nothing to work towards because it is out of our hands. I can no longer look at Ugandan pictures and travel tips in excitement because, truth be told, I need to protect my heart. I do not know what God is doing or where He is leading us, and I have to stop obsessing over this country that I have grown to love so deeply. I can’t even imagine what our family will look like after this adoption because I’m no longer sure what age God is calling us to, or what age Caroline will be when we finally work all of this out. I never thought I’d have an only child for two or three years. I have always wanted my children to have siblings close in age.
I am sad and numb. I am not without faith. God has a plan that is bigger than us. But while we wait, I don’t know where to direct this deep, overwhelming love that is in me for the child we so badly long to adopt.