|the last time we had an infant|
|In labor with Caroline. Yep, I used to be a blonde. I miss that.
I also used to be in my early twenties. I miss that, too. 🙂 Oh well.
So the day after I very publicly announce our latest pregnancy, I bleed.
It’s probably not a big deal, but it feeds that new and awful thing in me… that festering inclination that any good news isn’t mine for the keeping, and that the bottom will fall out at any minute.
I’ve bled through this entire pregnancy, yet every ultrasound has shown a thriving little jumper in there. But today, it was just a little different and a little worse. As I spoke with the doctor on call, Caroline came in the room and started rubbing my back. She sat me down and brought me a glass of milk. Later, she and Amelia on their own initiative prayed over our baby.
(Their prayers could be a hilarious post all alone. Aside from sweet prayers for the baby’s well-being, Amelia prayed that this child in my womb would have brown skin, and that it would do its chores and like to jump on the couch. When I informed her that this particular sibling would SURELY have “pink skin,” she prayed that we might give the baby back to get a dog instead!)
My sweet five and three year old girls are such blessings.
And as they took care of my raw emotions tonight, I realized how crazy it is for a woman as blessed as I am to expect bad things. I have received good on top of good. Even the heartaches are redeemed by His beautiful blood. What do I have to fear?
Now… if I can just keep my eyes on His love and keep this new, blessed perspective in mind so I won’t worry over the bleeding. 😉 I’m an oh-so-flawed work-in-progress. But He is changing me yet!