10 Comments

  1. And she's back. I know exploring this while sharing will help in the healing process. Still praying for you, Brad is right- you need time. Don't beat yourself up about it. Love you always!

  2. Rachel, your writing is always so amazing. As I was reading this it reminded me of what we've learned in adoption training about how long it takes our children to heal from trauma. I agree with Brad to give yourself grace and time. I have bouts of fear and anxiety from mere thoughts and possibilities of something like this happening…much less it actually happening! Even though you weren't harmed, it was still a very traumatic experience. I have no doubt that God will bring beautiful growth to you through this terrible event. Thank you for sharing your heart with others, even when its hard.
    I have been struggling with fear and anxiety lately about something happening to Mason. I had a dream two nights ago that he had fallen in a hole and I could hear him crying for me, but I couldn't get to him. I still can't figure out if the dream was actually about him, or about our son who we are adopting…I often feel anxiety about the fact that he is going through something now and I am not there with him. I'm trying to cling tightly to the fact that even though I am not there with him, The Lord is with him! Still so hard for a momma heart to grasp. But anyways-I'd love to hang out next time you're in Birmingham. I need to catch up with David and Mindy sometime too. Praying for you sweet Rachel.

  3. When we were in Uganda, the orphanage director took our son back after letting him stay with us for two months while we waited on a court date. She was angry with us and said if we told anyone about our experiences she would give our child to someone else.

    It has been almost two years since that day. Our son has been home for almost a year now. And I still live in terror that someone is going to take my child away. I am terrified that every email from our agency is going to say there was a mistake, he's not really ours, someone is taking him back.

    It's foolish. I know it is. I know God has given us this child and if He takes him back, it is His will. But I live in fear and cling to my son, and my other children, begging and pleading for God's favor that I be allowed to keep them safe.

    Praying for you and for all of us living with a spirit of fear.

  4. I love this. I know it will help you and others. Allow yourself to grieve, though. You have lost a part of innocence. God wants us to run to him when we are afraid, not "buck up." That is why I love what you have written. This is about God, not about fear. Then name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run to him and are safe!

  5. Thank you all for your sweet encouragement. Jess, you're always amazing. 🙂 Tereasa, thank you for your words about time and grieving.

    Heather, I think so much anxiety is tied up in the nature of parenting! (not that it has to be that way, but it makes it more likely.) The first time we were held at gunpoint, I wasn't a mother, and it didn't affect me in such a severe manner. But our fierce love for our children stirs up fierce fear sometimes. I'll be praying for your worries about both Mason and the sweet child who will soon join your family. I remember feeling so powerless while Amelia was still away from our care. I totally understand.

    Kait, what a terrible thing the orphanage director did to you! I'm praying for your peace, and baffled that someone in the position of placing orphans in homes would intentionally place such fear on your radar. Grace to you and her.

    God is greater than all these fears, and we'll wait with anticipation for His perfect love to cast each fear out.

  6. Something very similar happened to me many years ago. Home invasion, several women in the home for a Christmas party, 2 armed men entered the house. Every second I remember. They stole everyone's valuables and left. Worst event of my life, because I thought I might not see my son again. I know it took a year before I could walk out of a store and to my car without viewing every individual as a potential threat. That was 14 yrs ago- it still crosses my mind from time to time. Looking back now, i surely became more cautious of unknown surroundings. However I can also honestly say I felt more confidence and trust in Him to protect me.
    I'm not sure that helps in any way 😉 but I wanted to share that I TOO FELT exactly what you are feeling. Praying for your peace. Shanna

  7. Biggest fear: losing my daughter in every possible way. Physically…due to an accident or sickness or someone taking her. Spiritually…if she drifts from God and all that I know to be true. Emotionally…as she pushes me away and becomes independent and opinionated and keeps me at arms length. And she is only 8, so of course I fear the future even more. Then I'm flooded with guilt because I KNOW better.
    And yes, Rachel…you can pray over that for me while I pray for you and look forward to new posts!!:)

  8. Jessica Taylor

    Praying for you still. I struggle with fear everyday!! I hope we can both cast this away. Miss you guys

  9. Shanna and Jessica, I am so humbled after hearing both of your stories. How terrifying. But how comforting to me to know that you keep moving on.

    Stacy, I agree… fear rooted in wanting so much for our children is SO real and SO hard. I'm with you on that. And I'm praying for us all!

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