Fear’s lies began hissing in my ear the night after the break-in.
My heavy eyelids cramped themselves open as I laid in the darkness, planning my defense for any new threats.
“If the girls are home and there’s a break in, could I hide them under the bed? Should I buy a gun? I don’t think we can play in the front yard anymore.”
I knew this wasn’t a healthy thought pattern.
But with adrenaline still pulsing through my veins, it seemed responsible to brainstorm.
So I gave myself a pass.
But as the days of inner turmoil turned into weeks, I knew I’d reached excess. My heart was obsessing over potential tragedies more than it was pondering the great love of our God. I had made an idol of my fear and was sacrificing my mental energy at its shrine.
Still, I couldn’t will myself out of fear. I’d newly discovered how real this world’s dangers are, and I needed God to tell me why I shouldn’t be afraid of these irrefutable threats.
Stereotypical platitudes didn’t help.
Even some of the Scriptures felt useless:
- Don’t fear because God is with me? I know He’s with me. But that doesn’t mean He keeps me from all harm! We’ve all heard of Christians far more faithful than me who’ve been wrecked by disaster. Terrible things happen to people who very much have God’s Presence.
- Psalm 56:4 scoffed at fear: “What can mere mortals do to me?” I wrote that verse on a note-card and stared at it for days, puzzled. Each time I read it, I imagined a dozen horrors a “mere mortal” could inflict on our family. I was baffled. What did this Psalm mean?
God, how can I “fear not” when I know the horrors that truly exist!?
And here’s where I really got confused:
Luke 21:16-17: “… some of you they will PUT TO DEATH…”
Luke 21:18-19: “…But not a hair of your heads will perish.”
They’ll put me to death, but I won’t be harmed? Not even one hair on my head?
God, how is this not a contradiction?
And this, dear friends, is where I stop writing tonight.
God has begun to give me clarity, but for tonight, I leave my questions as a cliff-hanger.
- this post is too long already, and
- it’s going to take some serious prayer for me to explain the glorious ways God has begun to answer these questions of mine. He isn’t contradicting himself. And His truths are beautiful. They just might set me free. In fact, I know He will.