Friday, January 4, 2013

Adoption, Miscarriage, & The Lie Saying No One Understands



Grief can cause us to lie to ourselves.  One of the lies that ran through my mind often during our recent miscarriage was this: almost no one understood the nuances of my "rare" (so I thought) dragging-on version of loss.  

Of course this isn't true.  10-25% of clinically recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage.  Loss is a part of parenthood.

Adoption, too, is full of heartache for parents.  (And for children, although this isn't what I'm referring to today.)  Someone from the website We Are Grafted In contacted me recently, asking to publish a blog post I'd written years ago, after yet another roadblock stood in our way to adopt Amelia.  You can go here to read it.   My old heartbroken words during adoption delays are not too different from my recent cries from miscarriage.  Despite the lies, neither struggle was unique to me.

In his book on waiting and suffering, Palmer Chinchen says that some of the most powerful words a hurting person can hear are "me too," and "I'm sorry."

Whatever you're facing today, be assured: you are not the only one.  There is someone who can say "me too."  Better still, there is a God who became human, in order to experience our sorrows and bear our burdens.  He saved us, but He hurt first.  Jesus can say to you, "me too."

Go here for my contribution at We Are Grafted In.

6 comments:

differentparent.com said...

aha...I get it now. Thanks for sharing that part of your story. I read your post there first, then came here. :)

The Kirks said...

I remember this post that you are referring to. It was always one of my favorites! You have such a way to turn that grief and see the other side. I cannot believe the strength that you held during that time and continue to hold today. I love you so much!

Dana said...

Just read your post on We Are Grafted In. Thanks for sharing. As a mom who's lost a child, I agree with you about the "me too" and "I'm sorry."

L said...

LOVE this! And so glad I found your blog! =) Someday I hope to adopt and you just reassured me about so many things! Thankyou friend!
Much Love,
L

Lorretta at Dancing on the Dash said...

18 years ago, I lost a child at 17 weeks and I was devastated. Mostly because I was so young and naive...I had NEVER heard of miscarriage before and to make matters worse my own mother in law insisted that it was God's will (I couldn't bear that then). ANYWAY...I am thankful that women like you are ministering so openly through loss and pain. You are a blessing to me and so many others.

Rachel Goode said...

Lorretta and Dana,
How fitting that in my post about "me too," two of the five comments are from women who have also miscarried. You help the point sink into my heart. :)

Thanks to all of you for being here, and Heather, I'm amazed that you still remember that post from so long ago! You're an incredible friend!!