Friday Flashbacks: Heavy Heart

There's nothing amazing about this post I wrote March 5, 2010.
Still, I sometimes like to remember how it hurt to wait, so I can sympathize with others whose worlds are in treacherous limbo.

My aching words during our Ugandan adoption process... after Ugandan adoption shut down.
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via

My heart is broken.
Adoption is hard.

Most days I am full of faith. Many days, I am getting used to the wait. But there are days, like yesterday, when I would love to lay down and cry. Days when I wonder if the dream of a child from Uganda might slip away, forever leaving an ache in my soul.

I have been trying to determine what it is that makes this adoption situation hurt so badly. After all, I am not in Uganda with children I have already seen and held, desperate to get them home. I follow the stories of some of these families, and they are truly in the valley. God is allowing them to go through MAJOR trials. I pray for them, and for God to give them such sweet rewards even in this life for the struggle they are bearing. But I am not bearing their same struggles. I have not held and touched my child. I am not facing the threat of LOSING someone... I am simply in the dark, wondering when and how I'll ever be united with the child I love so much.

Oh how I miss this child I have never met. There is a gap in our lives. This is not some “good deed” delayed. I am not adopting our baby to be charitable. I am seeking out our child because he/she is OUR CHILD. And I need that sweet baby in our arms.

I would go to the ends of the earth if I had to so (s)he could come home, but I can’t.
I would fight, if it would help, but who is there to fight?
I am in the dark.
So we wait.