I hate crossroads and change. Which is ironic, because my greatest fear is the comfort that breeds apathy. The thing I hate (change) is the antidote to the thing I fear (comfort and apathy.)
Brad started seminary last week.
Caroline and Amelia are back at preschool 8-12 hours each week.
We're still working through a homeschool curriculum in our spare time.
4K is the last glorious chance we'll have to straddle the best of traditional school and homeschool. We can't live in both worlds forever.
We need to decide by the end of 2012 whether Caroline will attend private, public, magnet, or homeschool kindergarten. If I can ever (without boring you) verbalize the ten million factors and frustrations that rattle in my brain regarding our children's future education, I'll write a post about it. For now, I'll just tell you I'm confused and stressed.
So that covers the "education" portion of our current lives.
In other news, I'm having a delayed realization that life has changed since the move.
I do that... emotions often hit me really late. (Hello? That's how I can still blog about becoming an adoptive mother even though that happened a year and a half ago... I'm still processing!)
Our budget is different,
our house is different,
our friends, life, my occupation, our time... all different.
Shocker, I know.
I'm a late bloomer.
Just to give you a nauseating glimpse of the inside of my bellybutton, here are some of the questions I've been wrestling with lately:
- Am I serving a purpose as a stay at home mom? Is my life worth anything? (Not in a suicidal or depressed way, promise!)
- Is all of this writing worth anything? Will it ever go anywhere? Should it?
- How do we know when it's time for baby #3?
- My life doesn't feel at all like ministry... and that's the only thing I desire for it to be!
Blah blah blah, wah wah wah.
I'm so sick of myself that I escaped into a weekend long marathon of reality TV... and I rarely turn the thing on.
So I'll put on my big girl pants and admit it.What I need is to stop staring at me...
at MY changes,
I need to fix my eyes on a God so huge and awe inspiring that I realize what tiny matters these things are. He's in control. Keep my eyes up.
So much easier said than done.