Posted January 25, 2010, after the birth of a much prayed-for baby, which left me feeling emotionally schizophrenic. Little did I know then how joyously Amelia’s life would be celebrated.
I was unprepared for the range of emotions that hit me Friday night.
First was utter awe and joy. I wanted to cry because I was staring at the perfect little face of my friends’ newborn girl. After a long battle with infertility and learning to lean on God like many of us may never understand, they held their prize — a precious infant whom I instantly recognized because she bears the image of them both so beautifully.
Not only did I see their own victory wrapped up in that soft pink blanket. I saw the victory of others whom I love who are waiting on their own happy ending to infertility. Some will end in the delivery room, staring into baby faces resembling their own. Some will end in court rooms, where finalized adoptions cause family trees to become diverse like Heaven itself.
But when sadness washed over me, I was confused. I left the hospital disheartened. I had no idea why. What could bring me down in the midst of such a fairy-tale ending? As I talked to my mom and husband later, I was surprised by the words that spilled from my mouth.
I mourn that our baby will be (or has been) born with no celebration. Fear, or shame, or poverty, or death… something negative surrounds the circumstances of our sweet child’s entry into this world. There is something sad about adoption.
Don’t get me wrong — adoption may be the most incredible thing I have ever experienced thus far. God anointed it. It is His holy plan. But it is also the result of a fallen world. If we had never sinned — if we had never orphaned ourselves from God’s perfect love — then there never would’ve been the costly price paid on the cross for our adoption as sons.
It is sin, also, that caused our world to fall apart. Famine, disease, poverty — these all come from the sickness of original sin. And they orphan children. And while adopting orphaned children is the glorious redemption from these things, I couldn’t help but be saddened on Friday by the sorrow making our sweet baby available to us.
Please don’t hear me say adoption is inferior to pregnancy because adoption results from our brokenness. This is not true. Genesis says that the pains of childbirth, too, are a result of the curse of sin. Everything is affected.
God redeemed the pains of childbirth by sending us our Savior Jesus through Mary’s labor pains.
God redeems the sting of being orphaned through Jesus’ death on the cross, paying the fees for us to be adopted as His children.
Sin tainted it all, and God beautifully redeemed it all.
I guess I don’t know what I’m trying to say. All I know is that God is in control, and He makes all things beautiful in their time.