I started working again today.
I am so thankful to have a job with incredible flexibility... and I'm not just saying that in case a coworker finds and reads this. (paranoid much!?) I leave the house before anyone else is awake and am able to pick the girls up at the end of a short day in Mother's Day Out. Who am I to complain?
Still, I found myself driving to work in the pre-dawn dark with a lump in my throat.
We waited for Amelia for so long. Then we left Caroline for weeks while we went to Africa. I am still so in awe that my two daughters are living with me, laughing with me, growing before my eyes in REAL life, rather than the harsh light of the computer screen.
I know, I know. It's fine for women to work, so long as family is priority. I know that the Proverbs 31 woman arose early each morning to begin her own work day -- perhaps the only clear parallel I see between myself and her so far! I know that work existed in the Garden of Eden even before sin entered the world. Work is not a curse.
Still, I can cry a little about it, right?
And then I will dry my eyes and thank God. Thanks to the book that I am frighteningly more obsessed with each day, I keep a tiny notebook with me at all times now to write every single blessing I notice, from the mundane to the profound. I probably had more to write in that book today at work than I have in a single day yet... that Amelia did so well today. That both of my children love their school and are taught the joy of Christ there. That I have a job that provides so much, that sharpens my mind, that prioritizes my family, that allows me to visit the adult world during mommy-hood.
And if I sound like I am overcompensating and convincing myself against my true emotions, well... maybe I am. Still, I am determined to learn to worship & serve God here, now, in every circumstance. And so today, I thank my Savior.