The more my love for Amelia grows, the more I ache for us to all be home with Caroline. I won’t talk about that much because I am just so weary of longing to be with a daughter who is across the ocean. At least this separation from Caroline is the last necessary step to making our family whole.
Our time in Uganda is going unbelievably well. Our driver commented on how natural our fit is with Amelia. He said, “God already intended it.” Amen.
While our nights with Amelia are extremely difficult, our days with her are pure joy.
At night, her anxiety comes out. She acts exactly like you would expect of a ten month old who was abondoned in her first days and then was recently taken from the only home she’s ever known. She refuses to be put down, yet she’s not great at sleeping deeply on someone. She needs physical touch to assure her that her world is not about to be flipped upside down, but she’s never been touched during her nighttime sleep. It’s the recipe for family sleep deprivation.
But as soon as the sun begins to pour into the windows of our bedroom, Amelia’s eyes brighten, her finger-sucking subsides, and she smiles at me with her whole face before diving onto my chest for an appreciative hug. Yes, baby, I am still here.
During her waking hours, she is such an easy baby, full of laughs and smiles. She is beginning to feel secure enough to leave my arms for Daddy’s or to play on the floor, so long as I am in view.
Tomorrow, we are taking Amelia back to the baby home for a visit. I am nervous. I promised to come back because the aunties work in shifts and not everyone got to say goodbye to Amelia. But I also don’t want to confuse her or add to her anxiety.
Still, Mama Sara needs to see “her baby” at least a few more times. She has poured so much love into Amelia. The other day, she watched Amelia playing with me in the baby home and her eyes clouded over as she spoke. “That baby’s [birth] mother had no idea what she was throwing away when she left her! She will never know. But I think when she gets to heaven and sees, it will make her sad that she did that. Our baby is going to be so blessed!”
I hope Mama Sara is right. I will do everything in my power to make sure that she is.