I think I am back on my feet.
I spent a couple of days in denial before I finally faced my crushed emotions about having to wait even longer for our daughter. I felt victimized by our circumstances. In some ways, it is still tough for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I have NEVER heard of another Ugandan adoption taking 19 months – and we’ve only waited 19 months SO FAR. It looks like we’ll have been in process around 2 years before we bring Amelia home.
A couple of friends who were not pregnant at the start of our process are now pregnant for the SECOND time. Fellow adoptive parents who started their journey towards Uganda AFTER us are either home with their babies, or in Uganda now with their children.
I cried all Sunday long, thinking that I JUST want our daughter, and that this never-ending wait imposed most heavily upon our family simply isn’t fair.
But then I thought about what else is “NOT FAIR.”
It’s not fair that we are blessed to be able to adopt, while others will never know this blessing.
It’s not fair that we were matched with such an amazing baby girl, even when we’re so undeserving.
It’s not fair that our sweet girl still hasn’t reached her first birthday, while others have missed out on multiple birthdays of their children.
It’s not fair that God is using this adoption to teach us beautiful lessons that show us how majestic He is, even though we act like insolent toddlers pitching fits – at best.
It’s not fair that our version of a “tight budget” due to adoption expenses is the equivalent of flagrant wealth elsewhere in the world.
It’s not fair that our daughter is thriving in the most incredibly loving babies’ home I’ve ever heard of, while the children of other waiting parents around the world are stuck in cold, unloving orphanages.
It’s not fair that our daughter is held and loved and made to laugh every single day, while untold numbers of children around the world aren’t given as much as one smile or warm touch.
It’s not fair that we have received dozens of pictures of our daughter, while so many others ache to know who their child is.
It’s not fair that we’ve never lost a child, or had a child face serious illness, or faced any tragedy within our family, when there is so much pain in this world.
I could go on and on. My point is this… thank God that life isn’t fair. Without God’s grace, we are unloving, selfish, poor, evil people. Without God’s grace, “fair” takes on a very frightening meaning… and leads us to the depths of Hell. Our helplessly evil hearts deserve no good thing. Fair, truly, is that we face the wrath of God. Instead, Jesus came to face the wrath that He did not deserve. The cross was unfair. The cross put our punishment onto perfect Jesus, and put Jesus’ incredible rewards onto us. What could be more unfair than that?
I will take unfair any day. I will thank God for unfair every day.
It was unfairness that led Jesus to the cross for our sins, and it will be unfairness that brings sweet Amelia home.