Friday, December 17, 2010

God Gave Me Patience

On Tuesday night, Andrew Peterson’s Behold the Lamb of God concert tour came to our church. My mind is still reeling as I try to soak up all of the ways the Spirit spoke to me during that time. There is no way I could neatly package that special night into words, but there is one specific lesson that I wanted to share.


As much as I love Andrew Peterson’s lyrics, I hadn’t wanted to go to this concert. We were supposed to be in Uganda during this concert. I had declared early to Brad that if we were not in Uganda, I would be angry to be available to attend this event. I would not sit in a concert where I’d likely hear one of the songs that touches me most in regards to adoption, at a time that I should instead be in Uganda with our daughter whom we so badly ache to adopt.

But...

God in His infinite wisdom had more to teach me about waiting. And about being satisfied in Him alone. And so I was not in Uganda on Tuesday night. I was at the concert.


As I sat in that auditorium, listening to music that artfully portrayed the ache that all of creation felt as it awaited Messiah’s birth, I felt the ache, too. At first, I thought it was an ache for Amelia. I was sympathizing with the Jews who ached for a Savior by projecting my ache for Amelia onto them. But then I realized something…

I am satisfied.

I may not have Amelia. I may not have all we yearn for yet. But I have Christ. I have Emmanuel, literally meaning “God with us.” The Spirit of the same God who created the fiery stars and swirling universe humbled Himself in such a way that He now lives WITH me. IN me. I cannot even wrap my mind around it. But I know that it fulfills.

And all of the sudden, I felt this patience.

Really.

It’s like God reached inside of my anxious heart, scooped out every drop of “Amelia worry,” and replaced it with Himself. With the knowledge that His timing is loving and perfect. With the fact that His promises are true.

I know it sounds crazy, maybe even like I love Amelia less because I am less frantic to get to her. But that is not the case. I love her more than ever. The change is that I rest in God. And I feel the power to wait. And wait.

I do not have to wait for a Savior, like the Jews hundreds of years ago had to wait. I do not wonder how God will redeem us and transform us from being His enemies into being His beloved children – I already am His. And because I have the Spirit of the Most High inside of me, I feel confident that I can endure whatever I must in our quest towards sweet Amelia. In me lives All that Matters.

Baby girl, Jesus has come through for me already. He is coming through for you, too. Soon enough, our “faith shall be sight.” You will be home in His perfect time.

3 comments:

Meg said...

Rachel,

I cannot tell you how much your blog has meant for me as I struggle through a waiting period. I wish your blog could be printed off and handed to every Christian who is struggling through waiting. I remember praying over all the kids at LHBH before I left. I prayed over Amelia and prayed for the family who would one day hold her in their arms. I can't tell how excited I am that that is your family. How great is our God. As you continue to wait please know the great encouragement you are to the body of Christ.

The E's said...

Hi Rachel, I so love that the Lord ministered to your heart like this in your season of waiting! It will be over SOON! I just wanted to tell you that yesterday they had a birthday party here at LHBH and Amelia was dressed up in the cutest dress! I think she liked wearing it, too ;) I got to hold her-actually for the first time- and couldn't believe how light she was!! An auntie told her that she needed to let me hold her b/c her mommy was white like me :) She is a doll and I'm praying you get to come in January!!

RACHEL said...

This may be two of the best comments ever, from two people who I've never met but have met and held my daughter! Isn't that so crazy!?

I wish I had a picture of little Amelia in her party dress! And how sweet that they're thinking about her "white mama!" :) Meg, I am so glad that God is letting us both grow through our separate waiting seasons. I was already following "the e's" blog, but I'll be following yours now too, Meg!