Each day, seeing Amelia in 2010 appears less likely.
Here’s the thing:
This adoption isn’t about us.
I’ve been crying and struggling and longing and crying. I’ve been hurting and wanting our beautiful second daughter to be wrapped up in my arms.
But every time I start to pray that God let us go to Amelia “as soon as possible,” something doesn’t sit well in my soul. It doesn’t feel like the right prayer.
I want Amelia with us NOW for two reasons: 1) for her own good and 2) for the joy and comfort of our family. But God is so much smarter than me. He sees a bigger picture that I cannot fathom.
I can stomp my feet like a toddler and declare that He surely cannot love me unless He gives me my way, and quickly. But like a loving parent who withholds a child’s indulgences, God desires to teach me patience, and faith.
He desires to refine and shape our family through these struggles. More than that, He desires that Amelia’s story will allow many to see what an unfathomably beautiful God He is. He wants many to see Him for all that He is, and come running to His arms. He longs for His children even more than we long for Amelia. I pray that many of God’s children run to His arms long before Amelia is ever in ours.
So I have decided on a new prayer. It makes my flesh uncomfortable, but the Holy Spirit will strengthen me enough to stand strong in my request. My new prayer is not that we get Amelia immediately. It is not that we are kept safe from harm, if we have to be in Uganda during the sometimes tumultuous elections in February of 2011. It is not that things move smoothly from here on out. Yes, I will rejoice if these things prove to be God’s will. I want these things. But they are not my most fervent prayer.
My prayer is that God be glorified.
My prayer is that as we walk towards this adoption, others will see how our Creator loves us, and holds us up with His grace when we are stricken with grief or are tired. My prayer is that many will come to be adopted in a Spiritual sense by their own Heavenly Father, and that YOU see our longing for Amelia as a mere shadow of God’s longing for YOU, His precious little child.
We are tired. I am broken. I ache for my daughter. But God is painting a beautiful story. Unimaginable good will come of this. Please pray for God’s goodness to be known through our sweet journey to Amelia.