|Caroline at the start of our adoption process.|
When we started our adoption process, I used to cringe at the thought of being gone for so long when we travel to get Amelia. At least five weeks without Caroline. At least three weeks without my husband, trying to fare with a new baby in a very foreign place. While part of me romanticized Africa, another part knew how difficult my time would be.
I still realize it will be difficult. I am sure it could be one of the more lonely periods of my life. I have heard that many fellow adoptive parents become depressed by the end of trips that go on for weeks or more, especially when they are separated from children and spouses in a place that so lacks familiarity with home.
I have thought about this trip for a year and a half… longer than I ever dreamed we would have to wait. And here is what has changed in me… This trip is no longer a sacrifice. It is my honor.
It is my honor to visit Uganda. It is a country I have grown to love. I pray that this is the first of many times when our family visits there.
It is my honor to leave Caroline, and it is Caroline’s honor to be left. She will gain far more than any discomfort that may fall on her when she is away from parents during these weeks. She will gain a sister. She will gain a lifetime of growing up in a family that is beginning to understand the limits God goes to in pursuing the adoption of His own children. God gave the life of His own “biological” son, Jesus, in order to adopt the other children He loved so much. Surely we can give up a few weeks with our firstborn daughter to gain the gift of a second daughter.
It is an honor to spend time away from the husband I rely so heavily on, and it is his honor to be away from me. I pray we learn a reliance on God alone.
It is an honor to go to a foreign place where many of my habits and customs may be stripped away for a period. It is an honor to travel to a distant land, and feel God’s presence and be in awe that He is so big and so close, wherever we go. It is my honor to challenge myself and find out how much of me is defined by my country and culture instead of my Savior, and then beg to be changed.
And as I have always known, it will be my honor… my overwhelming joy… (my hands shake and my eyes fill with tears even as I write this,) to finally hold our sweet Amelia. God has softly whispered to my heart about her since the earliest months of our marriage. Oh, to finally have her. It will be my joy.