We’re still on a pretty good high from the joy of finally learning more about Amelia. After all, we didn’t even know if we would be matched with a boy or a girl for over a year! Knowing more about our baby has been bliss. But something is slowly changing. We’re not knocked off of our high yet… but the tides are turning just a bit.
For a long time, it was as though we were “expecting” a child. When you’re pregnant, it’s an expectant wait. You don’t know much about the child, but you love him/her, and you know that the baby is coming at the perfect time. This is how we were before the referral. Expectant.
But last night, for the first time, it felt like Amelia was MISSING. It didn’t feel like a pregnancy where you are anxiously awaiting the right moment for your baby to join the family. It felt like the “right time” had passed, and that there was now a void. It felt like a part of our family was gone. And she is. Amelia is our baby girl, and Caroline’s sister, and she is across the world.
Long after Caroline was asleep, I picked her up and rocked her. As I left her room, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was another little girl to rock. God help us as this emotions begin to turn!