All of the sudden, waiting hurts.
So far, the adoption process has been nothing but joy. Thinking about our child has filled me with joy, and thinking about how God loves us & sought us like I am doing towards this baby fills me with awe. But last week, something changed.
I think it started when I put up our “countdown.” 7 months!? It occurred to me then that it is quite possible that our baby is already born. Depending on the age, possibly has been born for a little while. And then I began to ache. What am I missing of his/her little life? Thinking of our baby warm and safe in the womb was such a comfort. It was a happy thought.
But one night last week, I started to worry as I fell asleep. I prayed, “God, please let people hug that sweet baby. Please, don’t let them feel abandoned. Let them feel overwhelmed by love!”
I search for pictures of orphans online all of the time recently, to smile at the precious faces and wonder if they are like our sweet child. But that night, visions of the rougher photos haunted me… emaciated babies… sick children… and I think, HOW WILL WE WAIT!? Can’t we just get our baby home to SAFETY!?
Fear is not of the Lord. I know that. Please pray that God will teach me to lay my worries at His feet.